I've been trying to write for days now, but just come here and stare at the blank screen.
My mother passed away last Saturday.She was in the last stages of life for a week and the words just would not come to me.
Saying that last good-bye always seems to get stuck in my throat; clogged there with too much love and sadness to get by.
I didn't grow up with Hazel, my birth mother, so I don't have years and years of memories to cling to, to help ease the grieving moments. But I do have some very sweet memories to cherish and cling to, and cling I will.
Grief is a funny thing that comes in waves to knock you down when you least expect it. Like yesterday at the florist and later at Safeway when I was at the olive bar trying to get the stupid lid on the container of olives I wanted to buy. I tried FIVE times to get that stupid lid on and finally handed it all to my girlfriend and said, "I'm going to give these flying lessons unless you do this for me." She started laughing, it was a pretty funny thing to say, until she looked at me and saw the tears welling in my eyes. Stupid things like that can get you going out of nowhere.
I take comfort in other places, too especially my Bible like Mama always did in times of sorrow or joy.
One of her favorites was Psalm 23. I haven't met anyone who doesn't like that Psalm, but I'm finding new comfort there now that I learned it was one of Mama's favorites.
"He calms me beside still waters.
He restoreth my soul."
I don't like the feeling of being an orphan now either. Who thought I was grown up enough at 63 to take charge of the world? Scary thought! *shudders*
At least I'm not the Matriarch of the family now. That honor falls to my oldest sister. She will do an awesome job of it, too I'm sure.
Good-bye, dear Mama.
Easier to type than say.
Rest in peace you sweet soul.
You will be so missed.
Mama on her Wedding Day.
Gratitude
1. My mothers, Hazel and Beverly
2. My family
3. My friends
Take a few minutes and read Psalm 23 in memory of Mama.
Blessings,
Deborah
